By Isis Nezbeth
Isis is a first-time mother, author, and free-spirited freelancer.
Relationships don’t always fail on the account of someone outside of your relationship. As much as most people would like to blame their failed relationships on their weak-willed partner or a side-piece, that is not always the case. You could possibly be the problem. If any of these actions are familiar to you, you’re ruining your relationship. Let’s get into it!
You don’t trust your partner.
I say it all the time, “without trust there’s nothing.” I don’t think there is anything else I believe more when it comes to relationships. If you’re always questioning your partner about where they’re going and who they’re with, it could be ruining your relationship.
They’re your partner–not your child. There is a way to be supportive and caring towards your partner without being their mama. It’s not just women, either. Men have a tendency to be overprotective of their partner as well. Both of you need your personal space!
You compare your partner to your ex.
This is completely unfair and extremely damaging to any relationship. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Don’t insult your partner by constantly comparing them to someone you are no longer with. If you want them to be your ex, you’re not ready for a new relationship.
You compare your relationship to other people’s relationships.
Stay off Instagram. Nothing irks me more than hearing someone judging their relationship based on a social media post of someone else. Again, this is unfair and damaging to any relationship because most of the things you see on social media aren’t what they appear to be anyway. False hope to say the least!
You struggle with personal insecurities.
When you’re insecure, your judgment is clouded and you are unable to fully give of yourself because you’re constantly searching for approval and/or proof of wrongdoing. Nevertheless, there are ways to work through your insecurities. Also, if you have a supportive partner, they will reassure you of the things you feel insecure about. Accept what they’re saying to you. Don’t reject their reassurance.
You bottle your emotions.
Communication is key to the success of any relationship. You need to be able to communicate how you’re feeling to your partner because no matter how much you think they can read your mind–I promise you, they can’t. Speak up for yourself and your feelings.
You jump to conclusions.
Naturally, because you don’t express your emotions properly, you find yourself jumping to conclusions and assuming things when you could just ask for clarity. Remember when you assume things, most times you’re just making an ass of yourself.
You don’t implement consequences.
Another big thing is letting your partner do whatever they want without implementing consequences for wrongdoing. I can’t tell you whether you should or shouldn’t stay with someone who cheated on you, but I can absolutely encourage you to make sure there are consequences for those kinds of action! People do what you let them get away with. Stand your ground!
You complain a lot.
Nobody wants to be with someone who is a professional complainer. Most times, people like this suck the life out of all things good. We’re dropping all that kind of shit in 2018. Believe me.
Usually when you do one or more of the previously mentioned, you have a hard time being appreciative of the efforts your partner is putting in to make you happy. Remember that effort and action looks different for everybody. Don’t undermine the efforts of your partner because they don’t fit the vision you think you have for yourself, especially when it’s based on a thing of the past.
If you found that you’re guilty of ruining your relationship, don’t panic. The good thing about finding a problem is that you’re presented with the opportunity to come up with a solution! Fix things. Work on you. And really make somebody happy.
Here’s to getting things right.