By Isis Nezbeth
Isis is a first-time mother, author, and free-spirited freelancer.
I know you think you know how to “holler” at a woman, but it takes strategy, fellas.
Have I steered you wrong before? Think about the last time you tried to approach a woman in public. How did she respond? For most of you, her response was more than likely uncalled for and probably a bit offensive. Unfortunately, many women respond negatively to a man trying to holler at her in public because nine times often the last person who tried it made her regret every moment of the encounter.
As usual, though, I’m here to ease the process by giving you a few pointers on shooting your shot this year. We talked about sliding into the DMs, but sometimes you don’t see her online. You might see her at the bar or see her at the grocery store and you need to know how to slide in there just as smooth without the computer screen and keyboard. Here’s exactly how to approach a woman in public. Let’s get into it!
Beg your pardon.
Be polite. Let her know that you don’t mean to bother her, but that you’d like to borrow a moment of her time. It’s flattering without being overbearing. You don’t have to overdo it or add adjectives to it–just keep it simple. It’s fine to slide a compliment in there somewhere if you’ve got game, but not all of you do. For most of you, less is more. Somewhere along the lines of “excuse me, do you have a minute?” will do just fine.
Have yourself together.
Please, for the love of God, have yourself together before making your approach. Be as put together as the situation allows. I’m not saying you have to be dressed from head to toe, but at least make sure your clothes are on correctly and your breath isn’t tart, you know? And don’t forget to wear your smile.
Avoid pickup lines at ALL costs.
Just don’t do it. Nothing about using a pickup line is going to make her feel better about giving you her number. Even if she already decided on giving you her contact when you stopped her, 9 times out 10 she has now lost all motive to leave you with access to contact her. Pickup lines include, but are not limited to, anything from “where’s your man at?” to “you look a lot like my next girlfriend.” Just. DON’T.
Be quick about it.
The point of you approaching her is to get contact information from her that allows you to contact her later. Don’t beat a dead horse or beat around the bush once you get her attention. Remember, when you flagged her down you asked her for a minute of her time–not an hour. Your approach is a pitch. It has to be smooth, seamless, and straight to the point. The quicker you can get to the point while maintaining your cool, the more she’ll probably be interested in hearing from you.
Ask for an alternative form of contact other than her phone number.
Believe it or not, not all women are receptive to giving their phone number to a stranger. Keep in mind that her phone number isn’t the only way to contact her. There are social media accounts (which tell you a lot more about a person than one phone call will). There is email–kind of strange, but professionally sexy in a way (kind of like a Christian Grey thing going on there). You could also just ask her if she has a business card (please have one yourself if you’re going to ask for hers).
Be prepared for any response she might give.
Although you shouldn’t fear rejection, fellas, you still want to be prepared for it. If she doesn’t bite, it’s not a big deal. No need to change your tune and begin insulting her–trust me, as unbelievable as this might sound there are a lot of men who respond to rejection this way. Sometimes, she’s just not in the mood; other times, she’s simply not interested. Neither of them is your fault and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Thank her for her time and then on to the next!
Leave her wanting more.
If she does bite, remember to keep things short. Let her know you’re looking forward to catching up with her later and see when might be best for her. If she’s really feeling you, she is bound to let you know that any time is good–but that does NOT mean any time is good. Be respectful, call the same day if it’s before 10 p.m. or wait until a reasonable time the next day to call. You can also let her know what time to anticipate hearing from you. It’s professional, sexy, and gives her something to look forward to.
Go get her, my friend.