Founder of Virtus Career Consulting, speaker and author of the career empowerment book
Sometimes we have so much confidence in our vision it’s frustrating when others can’t see what’s obvious to us. As frustration grows, we defend our position aggressively. If they don’t back down, it may intensify our need to assert ourselves. This creates unhealthy exchange centered on WINNING, not finding a SOLUTION. It becomes about protecting our ego, putting others in their place, or giving up as little ground as possible. It’s unlikely we evaluate someone’s position objectively. Thoughts that lead to arguing: • There’s no way I’m backing down • I don’t get you; I’m obviously right! How to overcome arguing: REFLECT. Step back from your emotions: • Is this thought actually valid/true? • Am I overreacting or exaggerating the problem? • Is there another way I could look at the situation? REFRAME. “They have no idea what they’re talking about.” Try: “They’re coming at this from a very different angle than me.” CHOOSE. Select a productive response you don’t normally use (see graphic). Is this response easy or hard for you? Commit to REFLECT, REFRAME, and CHOOSE a new response.