Dating is hard and I mean H.A.R.D. – Horrifying while Arousing, Rewarding yet Demanding. And why is it that while on the surface it’s a fun, social and engaging thing to do, more often than not, it leaves us little emptier inside?
Sure, there are always moments where you reflect back upon your past dates and say: ‘My oh my did I learn something’. But in the aftermath of an unsuccessful date, or in fact, a date that went superbly well, yet your ‘significant other wannabe’ failed to establish any form of telephone contact or simply vanished altogether off the face of the earth, you feel awful. As in, kinda wanting to sit in the shower clutching your knees, re-evaluating all the bad decisions you’ve made in your life and think why oh why is this happening to me again. And again. And again. Ok, I am exaggerating ever so slightly in order to make a point but I’m sure you know where I’m coming from.
Dating is not easy. Ever since we were little girls, we were fed these fairytale fantasies that no matter how difficult your life is or how many challenges you have faced or might face, a handsome prince will show up on your door step one day, you will instantly fall in love and ride off together into the sunset of ‘happily ever after’. Thank you Cinderella. A beautiful story, standing ovations. But how come this hasn’t happen to me or the majority of my friends yet?
Do we simply expect too much? Are our judgment bars set too high? Should we decrease the standards and start settling for someone less than perfect? Or perhaps we ourselves are not good, smart, beautiful or perfect enough? (Do not go there, I repeat, DO NOT go there).
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I am expecting to find someone entirely flawless. In fact, I admire imperfections now and then, yet even they are hard to come by these days. We live in the age of Tinder, where you have literally thousands of men to choose from, yet somehow you spend most nights alone.
I mean, If you wanted to, you could easily ‘hook up’ now and then, but how often would that actually lead to a second date consisting of simply going out for a sunset walk or to have ice cream in the park? Numbers are less than promising. I mean do people even do that anymore?
The problem with dating these days is the fact that people have become disposable. They come, they go, they come they go. Excuse me for a moment, I’m getting dizzy. The knowledge that anyone and everyone can be replaced is empowering in a sense, yet terrifying. Because you become one of the disposables too. And here you were all working on your looks, personality and sense of humour. But guess what, so is the majority of the rest of the women on this island. Tough.
How times have changed! Sex became so freely accessible online that in the real world, an actual soulful human interaction is a scarce commodity. Still don’t believe me? Well apparently there are some businesses that offer snuggling services for an $80 hourly fee. As in someone actually comes to your house and cuddles you. While I am not desperate enough for that just yet, clearly there must be sufficient demand for it. If you don’t believe me, just google it.
Take it from me, it is way way easier to find someone to have sex with, than someone to cuddle. It really is a terrifying concept when you think about it. On the plus side, if the trend continuous, then prostitution, the oldest profession known to human kind, will vanish in 50 years or so simply because everyone will be having sex with everyone else for free anyway, no strings (or should I say emotions) attached. Take time to process this. I really think it’s not such a far fetched reality.
I am one of those girls who grew up playing with dolls, planning imaginary weddings and reading fairytales up to the age of 12-13. That’s what you did before the invention of the internet, people. Obviously, times have changed drastically and I am simply trying to get my head around the current dating scene. The rules are as follows: don’t catch feelings, don’t even try to care, hell – be selfish as f*ck, ignorant to the other person’s needs, recreate those dirty porn scenes in the bedroom, and if you’re lucky, after a cup of coffee, leave and never see (or God forbid) speak to each other again.
If you caught feelings, you are in fact a loser and the joke’s on you. Cold blood is what is needed to survive in the age of Tinder. Act like you don’t care, or in fact just stop caring altogether and you will win at this whole dating game.
The problem is though, in a sense this clashes with my core values. It is much, much harder than it sounds to switch feelings off. But hey, you have to. Otherwise you will lose the game. God, how depressing is this? But…this is the general dating scene today ladies and gentlemen and you have to be ok with it. Do I think this is right? Hell no, but there is only so much one can do. It is an experience after all.
Sometimes life is good, sometimes its just mediocre and sometimes it can be very difficult. So is dating, relationships and everything that goes with them. Although all the evidence points to the contrary, I am a believer. Thank you Disney. I kind of think that one day I will in fact find someone who is as old fashioned in their approach to dating as I am. When I’m ready. But for now, the experience is all that matters. You learn a hell of a lot while dating. After all, it is merely a game to played so that you can discover yourself and what you really want in life. I call it a rehearsal before the big C (commitment).
So what are you up to tonight? Girlfriend, you should go on a date 😉