By Isis Nezbeth
Isis is a first-time mother, author, and free-spirited freelancer.
We’ve all been through a really bad breakup.
As lovely as it would be for every relationship to have ended in ‘Happily Ever After’, it doesn’t always happen that way. The trick is to turn your failures into lessons and create the ultimate success story–not perfect, but who wants that perfect love story anyway?
These tools are for your self growth, to become empowered instead of bitter, and to take responsibility instead of falling victim.
Tiana is the only woman in history that only had to kiss one frog to get it right!
One person is not always to blame for a failure in a relationship. It may have been the other person’s fault that you are not together–know the difference between fault and responsibility–but take this breakup as a chance for some reflection. No one is perfect. There’s a chance you weren’t exactly a walk in the park either. If you’re friends with your ex-lover, talk about where you both could have been better so it benefits the next person you pursue. Plus, was it even a real relationship if you don’t wish the best for them after you? Let’s be the bigger person here. There is always room for growth. Relationships take practice, and practice makes perfect (kind of), but the more we are self-aware of our own flaws, the more likely we are to having more fulfilling relationships.
Know your worth.
A common side effect to breakups is a bruised ego. Don’t let it keep you down, and more importantly don’t lower your standards. There are many ways to remind yourself of who you are. After a breakup, keep building. Go to the gym, get your nails done, go out with your boys, have brunch with your girls–whatever it is that you need to do not to spiral into a pit of low self-esteem, DO IT. That downward spiral is dangerous, not only for your mental wellbeing, but for who you attract. Let’s not pretend everyone out here has good intentions. Low self-esteem will attract the worst of the worst and the last thing you need after a bad breakup is an even worse rebound. You did not decrease in value because you lost a significant other.
Take one time to yourself.
One of the biggest mistakes a lot of us make is going from one person to another after a breakup. I don’t care what you heard, getting under someone new is not the best way to get over your ex. Realigning yourself with your inner being, is going to give you exactly what you need. You just spent a big chunk of time doing life with someone, taking how they feel into consideration for everything you do, making plans based off their plans… aren’t you tired of taking someone else into consideration all the time? Take this breakup as an opportunity to grow in whatever direction you choose, without being concerned if someone will accept your journey. It can get lonely sometimes, but it is impossible to expect someone to love being with you if you can’t even love being with yourself. Until you are aware of who you are, you could never love someone the way they deserve, and you’re just setting yourself up for a never-ending cycle of breakups. Take some time to be alone.
Give yourself the love you give out.
This point may sound repetitive, but that’s how important it is. Knowing your worth requires loving yourself the way you love others. Taking time to yourself requires taking the time to love yourself. Invest in yourself. Write that blog and dote about how amazing you are after reading it 100 times. Buy a canvas and paint until the crack of dawn so you can hang your work in your own living room. Pay down your debts. Go on adventures. Instead of being so eager to fall in love with someone else, set the example for how you want to be loved by loving yourself.
Breakups can take little chunks of who we are with every person that leaves and that’s okay. Grow new pieces of yourself. Be better than who you were when you were with them. So, throw out the Kleenex and leave bitterness behind you. You are just one step closer to being your best self.