Why hello there you gorgeous, smart thing! I’ve been waiting for you all day. While beauty isn’t all that matters, here’s a quick quiz for you. On a scale from 1 to 10, how relatable did you find Sex and the City? If it’s anything above a 6, we might just hit it off!
10 years have gone by since Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte ran the New York City dating scene, and a lot has changed. Going all out on fancy dinner dates has kind of died out, just as falling in love at the first sight with the stranger across the room did. All that’s needed now is to master your swiping skills, march yourself up to some blind dates and pray God you will be recognized in person without your Instagram filter. All the Tinder nightmares aside, this is the dating scene today. It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not, if you are single, you kind of have to be ok with it. This is the exact situation I kept finding myself in.
That is why I’m here to share all the wonderful or sometimes simply curious things I’ve seen and encountered while traveling. I want to become your online BFF and talk about whichever hot topic is trending across the world right now – anything from saucy adventures to falling in love, one night stands to finding ‘The One’. Anything really down to adoring and accepting yourself in this mad, mad world.
Life is a game after all, and it comes with a complex set of rules, yet they are so intangible no one really knows what to do. You cannot brew yourself a magic live love laugh potion and land yourself the guy, friends or job of your dreams, and expect the rest to fall into place. What you can do though is to brew yourself a cup of tea or coffee and read through. I have some stories to tell.
So, strap in and let’s start with the players. Urban Dictionary defines a player as ‘a male who is skilled at manipulating others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex’. Well, that could be describing any one of my ex boyfriends! I don’t think girls and women everywhere are in fact aware how vast and how good these players game really is.
I used to think players were exclusively good looking, rich guys driving sports cars. Ala ‘douche package’. You know the type. The guy you would instinctively avoid simply because his hair looks better than yours. And while there is nothing wrong with that, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Recently though, what I came to realize, is that there is a whole other world around us, and players, dear friends, are everywhere.
You might be thinking right now that I am exaggerating, but let me tell you a story before you make that call.
So I went on a ‘Tinder date’ with this guy. A professional Muay Thai fighter – hot, sweet, and just the right amount of dangerous. Talk about a recipe for instant attraction. The date went very well indeed, and we spent quite a few hours talking. Only talking.
So, during the first hour or so he ‘accidentally’ revealed that he is a player, that he is used to getting women as he pleases, sometimes up to 5 new girls a week. So on and so forth, he is God’s gift to humanity basically. And then the punch line came.
‘You are so different from the other girls. I can be myself when I’m around you. I don’t need to pretend. It’s so nice for a change. I actually imagine I could date you.’
Well let’s just stop there for a moment and analyze what has happened. He is hot. He has women throwing themselves at him. Yet you are different, you are special. When a guy like this says something like that, you are pleased. Tremendously. Could this be the guy for you? Would he settle down? Would he stop playing? All this craziness happens in a matter of seconds. I believed him on some level. I think it’s this never ending ‘FIX HIM’ syndrome, isn’t it? Datable guys are a scarce commodity and us women are biologically programmed to lock down any suitable ‘mate’ as soon as possible. “If he is desired by others, he might be worthy of attention right?”
Even if it’s obvious that everything he said was bullsh*t, it plainly and simply shows how easily manipulated women can become once attraction is involved. Adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin take over your brain and you can kiss your common sense goodbye.
Anyway, another hour or so into our date he kept persisting with some strong pick-up lines. Intense eye contact, a gentle touch, a kiss on the cheek. Nothing too forward, yet… Honestly, his game skills were at ‘expert level’, but, I am not some gullible hussy on holiday. Sentences like: ‘I became a player because my ex broke my heart, but I’m tired of this life of meaningless sex with countless women. I would for once like to find someone like you, to be with me for who I am’. Pretty strong words, huh? I’m 27 years old, and I’ve heard similar lines before. Let’s get one thing straight, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is (we all know this!) having said that, I can see how easy it would be to let slip, close your eyes and buy into it all. Even for just one night.
So what did I do, you ask? I did what I had to do and exposed him for attempting to run his game on me. His response was classic and resembled something along the lines of: ‘You are clever, I told you that you are special’.
And while no girl is ever tired of hearing that, I saw my opportunity and started asking questions about his alternative lifestyle and we started to have a heart to heart chat for another couple hours.
And it’s hardly believable.
I introduce to you, “The Confession of a Player” – a play-by-play account of a self confessed expert who I had managed to push all the way to the end of his extensive repertoire of tricks and skills.
Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Yes? Well read on then.
*Using tinder he collects as many matches possible. Since he is based in a popular resort town In Thailand, there is a never-ending supply of new girls who leaves once their holiday is over.
He grades them:
Level 1- Matched on Tinder;
Level 2- Been chatting for a few days;
Level 3- The conversation has now moved to WhatsApp or Viber or something similar, which means that phone numbers have now been exchanged;
Level 4- Date night! Which almost always ends in sex.
Level 5- After finally sleeping together, the victim is unmatched on Tinder to make sure she will not bother him again, her number is blocked and deleted, assuming he is no longer interested in seeing her… which is most of the time.
*No girl is ever saved in his phone under the real name. Usually their name is based off of their location. For example, “Hilton Hotel Spain” or “Beach Villa France”.
*He literally schedules dates in his calendar on his mobile so as not to mess up who is who.
*All girls are fed the exact same wording combinations. Anything from meet and greet to post hook-up and especially goodbye is strictly orchestrated. Every single sentence is pre-planned. There is very little room left to wander of from his desired topics. Anything he says is designed to affect you on a deeper level and increase attraction. He uses powerful phrases such as: ‘Just don’t fall in love, I’m not the guy for you’ to induce the reverse psychology mechanism in his, for lack of a better word, victims.
Nothing is accidental.
*Apparently nearly everyone does it. He and his friends run games on who can ‘score’ more times in a week.
*There are online forums where you can learn the craft of a pick up artist, countless ebooks are available on the subject as well.
*Girls fall for it nearly every single time. They have no idea they are being scammed. Women, especially over 30, tend to fall harder for him in comparison to the younger girls.
* He is commonly offered financial assistance. Women offer money, airline tickets, and paid holidays in their home country just to see him.
*He has travelled more than his fair share of the world without spending any money in this exact manner. In his mind, he exchanges his services (sex) for financial assistance. Only when the circumstances are right.
*He has No intensions to stop playing or look for a serious relationship, even though he is 34.
I don’t know how about you, but I had no idea this was actually a thing. I was honestly blown away. I mean, of course I know guys do sleazy stuff to get laid, but to that extent… it just seemed unbelievable.
This guy brought me home safe after an extensive night of talking through his messy, immoral yet fun sounding adventures. He even sent me a text not long after saying how good it was to talk to me without trying to get me into bed, and showered me with even more compliments about my charm, my looks, and especially excellent interrogation skills. After all, he told me way, way more than he initially intended. And you know what, I was actually into his honesty and how he opened up and how he didn’t force sex on me that night. It was so different.
But then, I realized this whole revelation could have also been preplanned. A game inside the game.
Disclosing your secret to gain a girl’s trust and revealing all of it to make me feel ‘chosen’.
I can’t even fathom such a thing…I mean, it’s a bit mind twisting isn’t it?
I think I need a drink.