Parenting by Example
As parents, the best rule of thumb is the fewer words you use, the better. Instead of words, try to parent by EXAMPLE! If your child sees you buried in your smart phone or the Internet, they will mimic your behavior. Be mindful of what you are doing; it is great to teach your children the benefit of mindfulness, it really helps, but you need to be mindful first! Parents need to learn that children only learn through observations, and not what they are taught verbally.
Calm, friendly, mindful parents produce calm, friendly, successful children. The most needed orientation of modern parents is to be parents with presence who accept the challenge of nurturing the seed of infinite possibilities in their children without causing stress to themselves and also to their children.
The need of the hour is Conscious parenting, not age-old power assertive parenting. Times have changed and it is not true that children are different now; what is different is the environment they see outside themselves. Don’t forget that what many see at home is a micro-family; this is very different from when families were extended joint-families and fun came from sharing and playing together and not in isolation on the social media.
Parenting should happen with no preconceptions or conditions – not hampering or controlling. Parents should be actively involved in guiding the children toward a safer and better path of life. But the whole process of guidance should be in the spirit of friendship and not one of control and expectation.
The goal is for you to not focus on your children all the time, but essentially on your own inner life. Until you are calm and centered, until you awaken the power of the spirit within you, not much will change for you or for your children, for the tree bears fruits only in congenial atmosphere and with healthy roots.
Though parents have a natural instinct to feel what is good for their children, what they feel is not always right.
Each child comes into this world with a blueprint of his or her own life. The child has to go through it all to learn, in the same way their parents made mistakes in life and have learned hard lessons that they quite naturally don’t want to see happening in the lives of their own children.
Sufferance should not always be seen as something punitive. It could have deep lessons for any child in its movement toward developing empathy, compassion, resilience and good character.
Yes, the parents should be actively involved in guiding their children toward a safer and better path of life. But the whole process of guidance should be in the spirit of friendship and not one of control and expectation. The more the parents have a tendency to get actively involved, the more the child feels like he or she is being controlled, which they don’t see as something very welcome at a time when personal freedom is what they value the most.
Hence, the parents should not start with the assumption that being parents they can force their children to always listen to what they say, and do things accordingly. The parents have to learn to trust in a benevolent universe and share more and more positive light with the children and try to appreciate their positive traits more than the negative behavioral patterns.
By talking about the positive qualities of the child one creates the most important thing to happen first: friendship. Once the child feels comfortable in sharing things from their life with their parents without fear and reservations, the doors to active participation for positive parenting opens up. The beauty is, in this process, you are not forcing them, and presuming that whatever is said will be carried as your orders, but you are waiting for your right time, at the right place, to open your heart to share what you think would be in the best interest of your child. Say what you have to say without the slightest hope that it would be followed. Just say it with the trust that your child will see the light of your sharing as if it is coming from a source without command and expectation of control.
This is the way to a happy parenting where the parents are not stressed due to the children’s changing behavioral patterns. Accept the pattern as it is, and see the positive possibilities, and start with a very positive attitude of detachment while working from the plane of your uplifted spirit. For all of this, a spiritual anchor is fundamental. Through the light of the spirit you can work wonders.