Award-winning author, international speaker, and former radio show personality.
Many of us have become so good at rationalizing our behavior, justifying our views, or living in a fog that we aren’t even aware that we are not following a basic moral code. We get stuck in a rut with antiquated belief structures. Then as time passes and the farther we stray from these values, the harder it is to come back into focus. Instead of figuring out the presenting issues, for many people, it is just easier to explain and justify their actions with a reserve of excuses that could paper the sky. But what many of us fail to realize or remember is that the way we move and interact within the world says a lot about who we are as people.
This concept is about more than being the token good person or holding some higher ethical standard. It is about being the living proof of what we want to see changed in the world. It is about living your life with a contentment and ease that far surpasses any mundane notion or definition of happiness. It is about a quality of existence. Anything can change—we can change, the world can change—but it all starts within. So all of this begs the questions “What are you saying to the world and to yourself? And where do you want to go? How do you want to get there? And do you believe that you deserve the best that life has to offer?”
I have spent most of my life trying to figure out the answers to these questions. Then just when I thought I had it all figured out, the universe will clearly test the foundation of my value structure. Needless-to-say, I have had my fair share of do-overs. But what I really seem to struggle with was consistently believing that I didn’t deserve the very best that life has to offer me. I have done enough self-reflection to know that the root of many of my problems stemmed from my parents rejecting me. When my own parents abandoned me, it seemed impossible to believe that anyone else could really love and accept me. If my parents could not see my value or love me, then how would anyone else? I believed that if I could get my parents to love me, then it stood to reason that I really only deserved the leftovers crumbs from life.
Because of these limiting beliefs, my reality became a litany of rejection after rejection. My internal tape was set only to play, “You’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, or thin enough” over and over throughout my life. From there, every denial, bad job, breakup, etc., further magnified what I already believed to be true. I ended up stuck in a loop that only continued to exacerbate the idea that I didn’t deserve the best and gave more fuel to my excuses for failure. I lived by the premise that the only way to be loved was to give everything I had to someone else, even if that meant martyrdom. It meant finding people who were even more broken than I was and fixing them because I could not repair myself. When those things didn’t work, I simply sabotaged my relationships so that the end would come quickly, and my broken self could be right about the “awful, cruel world where no one could love me” as the expense of any possibility of happiness. Point-blank, I was unhappy because I was making myself unhappy. I had bought into the hype and the outdated concepts and labels that people had given me (or I gave myself).
The truth is that there wasn’t (and isn’t) anything wrong with me and more than there is anything wrong with anybody. We simply needed to love ourselves and know to the core of our being that we are worthy. We needed to open our hearts to new thoughts and really believe that we are all lovable. We are divine. We are enough! What we needed to understand was that the right people will love us without the extra effort or convincing because they will automatically see and appreciate all that is good. But the only way to clear the slate and step into our truth is to live in the essence of all that is divine and the love that is within each of us. Outdated beliefs are like bad fashion—there are some things you just shouldn’t wear because they just don’t make you look good! Work on yourself first, take responsibility for your own progress. A Bad Attitude is Like a Flat Tire. You Can’t Go Anywhere Until You Change It. (Author Unknown)