By Isis Nezbeth
Isis is a first-time mother, author, and free-spirited freelancer.
If you’re reading this right now, I’m guessing you’ve been feeling like I have recently–a little lonely. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s nothing to jump for joy about either, but still it’s a normal emotion and we all feel that way sometimes. Loneliness can really have an emotional toll on you if you allow it to and that’s what I’d like to avoid for the both of us. When loneliness sneaks up on me, there are five things I always have to remind myself of in order to get and keep myself out of the “nobody loves me” mindset.
You’re overlooking the people who do care about you.
Unfortunately, I have to remind myself of the plenty of people who do make me feel love and appreciated on a regular basis. Sometimes, when we’re looking for that ‘special’ feeling from a special someone, we forget about the other people in our life that give us that same feeling. Be careful of overlooking those people because their love is just as important as that of a significant other’s love. Sure, it feels a bit different, but it’s necessary and you need it. Don’t forget that.
Everything looks better on Instagram.
From celebrity couples to friends from high school, looking at other couples on social media is sure to lead you down the path of loneliness. Avoid doing this at all cost. I know you feel like you’re strong enough to handle it and to be honest, that is completely beside the point. The reason I want you to avoid looking at other couples on social media is because it’s not real life. Everything looks better on Instagram. Whatever couple you think is absolutely perfect and “just what you deserve” normally is nothing like what you see online. Keep your personal goals and fantasies and feed off of those things. Comparison won’t lead you anywhere special, trust me.
You’re never really as lonely as you think you are.
I usually feel the loneliest after watching a love story or seeing a couple online (like I just told you not to do), which is exactly why I suggest avoiding that. No matter how lonely we feel, we usually aren’t as lonely as we’re letting on. Again, don’t overlook those people who are there for you. Also, remember that sometimes that special person is already a part of our life, but we have them stuck the friend zone where they don’t belong. Keep people in your life that make you feel happy and appreciated. Always. Be sure to trim the fat (the people who don’t make you feel happy and appreciated) as well. They are a cause of loneliness as well.
Even loneliness feels better than wasting time on a person who isn’t deserving of it.
This is a big one. Even though feeling lonely sucks monkey balls, nothing feels worse than giving yourself and your time to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Don’t waste time with anyone who doesn’t deserve your undivided love and attention just to cope with temporary loneliness. Avoid this at all costs. No one night stands, booty calls, or trips back to ex-town, people. Seriously. No matter how satisfying it feels at that moment, it is sure to feel ten times worse when you’re left feeling just as lonely as you did before that encounter.
Your happy ending is coming.
This is the most important reminder, of course. Always remember that happiness is in your future. It might not look or feel even remotely close to what you expect, but it’s coming if you’re willing to accept it. In the meantime, focus on the relationship with yourself and your loved ones. It’s hard to focus on loneliness when you center yourself in love. Trust me on this.
…and if all else fails, grab a pizza and send me a long email telling me all about it. I’m here for you.